This is one of my favourite photos, I think it always will be and I nearly chose not to be in it. It was 12 days after having our youngest, and she was feeding for an hour every two hours around the clock; to say I was exhausted would be an understatement. I felt terrible, I looked terrible, and the last thing I wanted was to be remembered like this. But there's someone in this photo that doesn't see any of that; there's just a little girl looking at her mum with pure love and admiration. She doesn't see my tired eyes, my messy hair or less than elegant outfit. All she see is someone who loves her, adventures with her, laughs and plays with her, she sees her Mumma, and that is a moment I want captured forever.
Our journey into parenthood has been far from smooth sailing and not everyday has been filled with joy. We lived miscarriage, infant loss, reflux baby, failure to thrive for our youngest, parenting in the ever changing world of covid, the endless winter of sickness, perinatal depression and anxiety just to name a few. Despite all this, we wouldn't change our journey because it has brought us the two beautiful girls we have today and we wouldn't change them for the world. Along the way I have learnt to embrace every moment of joy, to seek it out, to celebrate it, to cultivate it and to remember it, knowing that it will come back in time. I have two rules I follow to help me do this, that my kids don't know about: always say yes when they ask for a photo with me, and always say yes when they ask me to dance with them. I want my kids to know that I sought to find joy with them everyday. In our house there is no better way to do this than have a dance party, and of course I know we won't remember it all so we capture these special moments along the way.
When I was four my mum was re-diagnosed with cancer, and she spent the next four years fighting it before it took her. I don't ever remember thinking that she was anything less than beautiful and wonderful. I look back at our photos of that time and I see her joy, her light, and our special relationship. I treasure the photos that I have with her, and I am so glad that even on her worst days she let us capture photos of us with her because that is what photos are really about. I don't take photos with my kids to remember how beautiful I was, I take photos with my kids to remember the beautiful relationship that I had with them. It's a mindset shift, and it's not always easy to take the photo and not feel self-conscious when you know you don't look your best. But you won't regret capturing your parenting journey, no matter the bumps in the road or in your mum bun, your kids will be so thankful that you did.
Get in the photo, dance with your babies, embrace and capture the joy when it comes. You won't regret it.
